Today, my daily devotional talks about fear. It tells me that 90% of what we fear never comes to pass. My first thought was, REALLY?? I have always been a worrier. I'm not sure why, it's not like I'm a glass half empty kind of gal. I guess in some ways, I just don't like the unexpected - yet in a lot of ways I love surprises. Figure that one out. In reading today's message, two phrases come to mind ... "If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it." and "God never gives you something you can't handle."
Being honest here, right now it all seems like crap. My worries and fears right now are outweighing everything else. How will I get through this grief of losing dad? How can I make it without him? He took care of a lot of things for me - and was always there for me. I talked to him no less than once or twice a day, no lie. What do I do now when something is wrong, when I have a bad day, who will I call when I want to talk about things? Selfishly, one of my big fears right now is my wedding (provided that I ever do get married) ... who will walk me down the aisle?? I have dreamt of that day since I was little, I even knew what song I would have as I walked down the aisle, and what song we would dance to at the reception. A wedding is supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life, but I can't help but think and fear that my wedding day will be a day of great sadness because of one missing person.
I have many other fears that have plagued me my entire life. Fear of failure. Fear of disappointing my Mom and Dad. Fear of being alone, of not finding my "soulmate." Fear of never having any children. Fear of not giving my children the wonderful life and experiences my parents were able to provide for me. One of my biggest fears is in the 10% that came to pass - losing my Dad too soon. Fear of not figuring out what I want to do with my life. And now that I have, fear of choosing the wrong thing. Fear of making a mistake at work, because ultimately I am responsible for people's lives.
Rather than focusing on my fears, I need to think about what these fears are preventing me from doing. What they are stopping me from accomplishing. When I was little, my Mom used to put the "fear of God" in me - or at least the fear of the wooden spoon! - so that I would obey her, and not misbehave. Is satan so sneaky as to put all of these fears in my head, so that I will obey him, and miss out on what God is calling me to do? Where He is leading me?
Today, I will try to live without fear, without worries. I will not think about the future, I will think about the here and now. I've lived through worries and came out on the other side just fine, so I need to teach myself to push those worries and stresses aside, and focus on the good things - focus on getting through one more day.